The Real Life of a Pastors Wife – Healing and Forgiveness

Writer Author  Filoiann Wiedenhoff
Christian Column : Christian Living  - Fiction  No

Christian Author Writer In my last article I shared about being wounded and also the need for healing. I have learned over the years that in order to move forward we need to forgive. Forgiveness is one of the most important elements in the healing process. In fact I will be so bold as to say that without forgiveness there is no full and complete healing. There are times we may put on a façade that everything is okay but deep down inside our hearts we are not okay, joyful or free. We are stil hurting. We push our feelings down deep and create a mote with high walls for protection from being hurt in the future and we deceive ourselves into believing that we are still the same person even though in reality we may have changed.

Mark 11:25-26 "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." - NKJV

God shares it very plainly in a number of scriptures that He has forgiven us for all our sins when we come to Christ and now we, as forgiven children of God, are to forgive others. It is very straight forward and to the point. When we choose not to forgive the bible says God will not forgive us. Our forgiveness is a fruit and result of our true relationship with Jesus Christ. If we have received Jesus into our hearts, we have received His Holy Spirit and having the Holy Spirit dwell in us; also enables us and empowers us to be sons and daughters of God. That relationship not only helps us to forgive but empowers us in our obedience that comes from faith. If we do not forgive we are in sin and walking in disobedience.

Unfortunately, most of us want to forgive or wish we could forgive but we don’t know how or worse we shut it out of our minds so we don’t have deal with the issue of forgiveness. God knows our hearts and knows our needs even when we don’t know ourselves what we need, God will find a way to bring certain things to the surface so that we can examine our hearts and see ourselves soberly so that we can forgive and be healed.

One other common mistake we can make as people is when we believe we have forgiven that person but in our hearts we continue to carry resentment towards them. The reality is we never truly forgave them in the first place or perhaps we thought we did but not sincerely from the heart and we become bitter towards that person..
Everything I have just shared with you I speak from experience. I have also experienced the blessing of forgiving sincerely from the heart and now I can honestly say that I am receiving the fruits of forgiveness which is freedom, peace and joy.

I believe we all want to experience that freedom, peace and joy. I hope you will be encouraged to know that if you are reading this article and you believe there may be someone in your life you need to forgive, believe that God is able to do more than we can imagine or ask. God desires us to be free to serve Him and experience that abundant life He has provided for us and He will definitely give you the strength you need as you pursue Him, seek Him first and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33) No matter what you are going through, Gods mercies are new every morning and today is a new day.

Here are five ways to help you forgive today:

· Confess It to God: By confessing it to God you are acknowledging that you were indeed hurt by this situation or person, but you realize you need to forgive in spite of how you feel in order to be set-free, restored, healed, and no longer in sin.

· Allow Him to Comfort You: By allowing God to comfort you, you are re-establishing your relationship with Him. If you have been estranged from Him and need to repent, confess that also and return to Him. God is a loving Father who waits for His children’s return. The Bible says that apart from God we can do nothing. We need Jesus in order for us to be restored and so that we may forgive others.

· Forgive: This is where you take the step of faith and forgive. Remember what forgiveness means: To give up or cease to feel resentment, to grant relief from payment and/or to pardon, which means to excuse an offense without exacting penalty. Forgiving is also a willingness to put the matter in the past in order to move forward.

· Let It Go: Once you have confessed it to God, and you have forgiven the person or situation in your heart, you can also ask God to help you let it go, and give it to God, allowing Him to take it from you. The Bible says to cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you. Letting it go is now a matter of faith.

· Leave It There: Once you have forgiven by faith, let it go and release it to God. You must now also leave it in His capable hands by faith. Trust God to take care of it and no longer worry or hold on to it, but release it over to Him once and for all.
The Bible says that once God forgives us for our sins He casts them as far as the east is from the west, remembering them no more. Yes, for us it is easier said than done to forgive and forget; in fact, let’s be realistic - we usually don’t forget. Although God can forget our sins and remember them no more, we have a memory that most of the time won’t let us forget. This part of the process will take some time but if you truly are forgiving and letting go of the resentment you will experience relief from the pain and hope to move forward in your life and situation with joy again to live the abundant life that God has planned for you.

Another word of advice is to seek out fellowship and accountability for your healing process. Talk to your spouse, a good friend, or church mentor to help you in your restoration process and continue to talk about it and allow God to comfort you during this process. It doesn’t happen overnight although God can choose to heal you anytime, but as you seek God through it, you will begin to receive the love He has for you and be restored.

If you are struggling with unforgiveness or bitterness, seek Christ today and ask Him to help you release it to Him and follow the steps to let it go. The next step should be reconciliation. Pray for wisdom and for God to give you the opportunity to be reconciled with the person(s) involved, if at all possible. Remember that God is faithful and He will do it!

Filoiann Wiedenhoff is a ministers wife, bible teacher and columnist. You can visit her website at and sign-up for her newsletter.

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